Teachers and others who work with children and young people need to be more understanding and not just kick kids out on their bad days or just assume the worst out of them.

Physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse,viewing death or losing a loved one, and neglect, and much more can have a tremendous impact on your life. These are some things most people aren’t open about, but can change a person mentally and physically. During school when students act out differently or unusually out of the blue or maybe continually, the teachers or principals are fast to write them up, suspend or even expel them but don’t always take their time to understand or try to figure out what is going on.

Yes, some kids are “hard headed” or aren’t open about what's going on in their lives. And that's where teachers and adults in most districts give up and stop caring and kick you out. When you can see the pain or the hiding of someone's emotions or cuts and scars, burns, bruises etc. yet try not to help, nor act like you didn't see anything or take the time to understand, then why even be a teacher? Or why be somewhere where you have to work with students? Mostly everyone is different behind closed doors, so you never really know what's going on. I guarantee you can recognize that students are going through something.

According to a major study, around 64% of adults have had at least 1 ace and 12.6% had 4 or more aces. ACEs are very common and are caused from different experiences but are mostly treated similarly. Depression is often prescribed, and the young person is given a pill to take. This might be the only “help” he or she is getting. However, no one would want to take a daily dose of something that they feel isn't working or isn't needed; therefore, many choose to just get rid of the pills and act out differently, or react in ways that aren't normal for most people, yet are normal for them. The result is that people, including teachers, are fast to judge them. The person they are judging doesn’t realize what they are doing is unusual and/or doesn’t have a lot of self control, so they aren’t really getting the help they need, and the negative judgements of others adds to the problem.

A person with multiple ACEs has a higher risk of attempting suicide, having lung cancer, heart disease, depression and more. The exposure to early adversity can forever change the direction of a child's life. It affects the nucleus accumbens which is a part of your brain that has “rewards” or is called the “reward center.” Consuming drugs and alcohol can mess up that part of a brain too, as well as impacting other parts of the brain and body, causing physical and mental damage. A person with ACES is also more likely to use drugs and alcohol.

Setting a kid with ACEs onto a destructive path can start with kicking kids out of school, giving them either more time at home where the issues that cause the “bad” behavior at school are and/or giving them more time in the streets, consuming drugs, and getting into trouble with the law. This could potentially lead to the youth being put in and out of the youth justice system continually, eventually leading to prison. Therefore, that kid will grow to be as low as the teachers treated them; when instead, they could have made a tremendous positive impact on others’ lives. Teachers can help the youth that are have gone through bad things or who still are. Within those walls of pain and suffering, teachers helping others out can fix a lot of society and support kids’ positive development, including the ways they act in school, the differences in their learning needs, and they can also make kids feel loved and wanted at the same time.

There are kids who don’t have homes nor have parents, or a safe stable family to go home to every day. Their behavior inconveniences teachers, and many react to the problems by deciding,“It's not my problem if it’s out of school,” or “I have my own worries when I get home to my kids.” These same teachers should consider: Would you want your own kid to be cutting or feeling unloved? These experiences can lead them to drugs and more, yet all the while you are knowing how intelligent and smart they are, but you don’t get involved. I highly doubt that’s how you would respond to your own child’s problems. So why would you let your own students feel that way and do those things? You are probably one of the few adults in their life who is in a position to help.

Educators have a huge impact on kids lives. Teachers, administrators and other school staff help students “be ready for the real world.” Unfortunately, for kids with ACEs the “real world” and society have already taken troubled kids over and has torn them apart.

“Good job!!” “You are very smart,” “I can see you have very good intentions,” “You’ll make it far in life. I already know it,” “Are you alright?” “Do you want to talk about what’s got you so down?” Those are very few sentences that can help a student tremendously. Those words can keep them going down the right path and make them feel the worth that they have. Most of the time, kids with ACEs don’t hear any of that outside of school, and not hearing it within school makes the worthless feelings magnified and gives them zero hope for the future.

Taking just a little bit more time out of your day as a teacher, a staff member, or even as a parent to make sure or check up on other kids can really help. Studies show that 1 of 3 kids experience violence, and one of those kids hasn’t said anything about it. Some kids don't want other people feeling bad for them and/or are embarrassed of what you and others might think and are worried about how you see them.

ACEs are like doses of poison to a kid’s brain. The more ACEs within one child the more likely that child is to be ignored or mistreated by others. A child with an ACE score of 8 or higher is most likely to have 20 years less of life expectancy then a child with an ace score of zero. Toxic stress is within most kids with any percent of ACES in their lives, which can cause extra stress during school or school events, including tests. This high stress also affects the way they react to people or things. Therefore, ACES really affect school work and behavior, and students with ACEs shouldn’t be considered just a “troubled” kid in need of punishment. Teachers should pay more attention and help their students out with more than math and reading.

The real world isn’t always the same for everyone. Overall, students are most likely going to take their teachers’ advice if it’s given with genuine interest and concern, and in the long run, they will thank those teachers for being a heroic impact on their lives.

Ways an educator can help a kid with ACEs:

1. Take your time to understand and figure out what is going on.
2. Make opportunities to talk to them and listen to what they have to say without distractions.
3. Don’t let their “tough” attitude or push back stop you from helping, because it is an automatic defense reaction, often something they don’t have control over.
4. Don’t assume they don’t have feelings just because they haven’t shown them to you. Most kids with ACEs avoid any kind of vulnerability. They often don’t know who to trust.
5. Don’t minimize the destructiveness of drugs and other addictive substances. Get them help if you suspect a problem.
6. Help them to see that you believe in them. Show them their good qualities and point out the ways they are resourceful and capable.
7. Sincerely care about them and their futures.
8. Help them see that they have can learn from their experiences and any mistakes they might make. They don’t have to feel broken forever.
9. Help other educators respond to them in helpful ways too.

Mia is a 14-year old middle school student in Yakima, WA who describes herself as someone who has a “tremendous count of ACEs,” including losing her stepfather and biological father to violence. She strives to be resilient. She likes nature and loves all kinds of music. This is her first blog.